I know coming to New Zealand in the fall means one thing: rain.
The drive to Gisborne is my first real encounter with it. But honestly, the rain just makes everything feel more raw and alive. The windy road through misty mountains reveals waterfalls and rivers surging with delight. I keep expecting Rivendell to appear around the next bend, in all its glory.
For now, I’m glad I made this choice-though I’m still a little worried the rain might get tiresome the further south and away from the coast I go. I arrive in Gisborne just as the sun sets, at the Kaiti Beach Freedom Camping spot I found on Campermate.
I spot a bonfire welcoming me, and after hours of nothing but pummeling rain and sitting in the van, this is exactly what I need.
“Hey, mind if I join?” I ask the guy standing by the fire.
“Not at all!” He introduces himself as Josh. His young son Hunter and their dog Anya play nearby, and I’m thrilled to get some good pats on the pup. I miss having a dog around.
“It was my idea to start the fire! I had to convince my dad; he didn’t want to,” Hunter tells me proudly.
“Well, I’m so glad you did! Good on you, buddy,” I say. We chat a bit, going through the usual introductions-who we are and where we’re from. Soon, another person walks over.
They’re quite pretty, and I immediately catch their American accent when they say hello.
“I’m Morgan, from Fairfax, Virginia. Where are you from?” They ask.
In disbelief, I reply, “I’m Anna, from Fairfax, Virginia, too! Haha.” It’s funny how small this wide world is. Despite our shared hometown, we hit it off instantly. Morgan even runs to the store to buy marshmallows and chocolate so we can make s’mores over the fire with Hunter. They’re so kind.
Our chatting draws another person over. He introduces himself as Leon, from Germany. Tall and handsome, he mentions his girlfriend is already asleep in the van they live in. (Don’t worry, you’ll meet her soon.)
As someone deeply worried about the state of our environment, I’m thrilled to hear Leon has participated in several environmental protests and initiatives back in Germany. Hearing about his experiences invigorates me and pushes me to want to do more than I am now.
Sharing or reposting something on Facebook about a cause I care about doesn’t do much. Sure, it spreads awareness, but then what?
Have you ever taken real action based on a social media post? Probably not more than sending an email to a congressperson or venting to someone who probably doesn’t care. Real change requires real action.
Hunter finally pulls me away from the adults to search for a stick to roast a marshmallow on. Though I don’t want to leave the conversation that is starting to heat up when Josh gets involved, it’s clear Hunter desperately wants attention. He keeps checking if anyone is watching him while he speaks, and when they are, the light in his eyes is unmistakable. Like all of us, he just wants to connect and be heard.
When we return to roasting marshmallows, the energy around the fire shifts dramatically, especially when Josh pulls out air quotes around “climate change.” From across the firepit, I half-listen to Hunter prattle on about how he likes his marshmallows burnt to a crisp, and half-listen to their conversation.
It’s hard not to jump in and defend science, but Leon and Morgan clearly believe in science, share my views, and are eloquently making their points.
I can’t say the same for Josh, who assertively claims New Zealand is a communist country and spouts other things that sound like big media propaganda I’ve heard before. I don’t want Josh to feel ganged up on by 3 people, so I stay quiet and listen. I also want to give Josh and Morgan a chance to say their piece. A part of me now regrets this, as I really wanted to de-escalate the situation while still standing up for what I believe in. Sometimes, though, it’s better to just listen and learn.
Morgan calmly explains what communism actually is to Josh. They don’t argue, relying solely on indisputable facts and gently sharing different types of government and how they all work. Josh interrupts them constantly, trying to inject his opinions.
Across the fire, I can tell Josh is getting upset. It’s clear he’s trying to convince the others of his views rather than listening. I don’t think he’s listening to what they are saying at all.
Finally, with anger in his voice, he stands up and says, “Well, it’s clear we won’t reach an agreement. Good night, liberals!” Then he stalks away, calling his entourage over.
He takes the marshmallows and the chocolate Morgan bought for us with him.
Have you ever been in an emotionally charged conversation like this?
Whether you have or haven’t read it before, I highly recommend the book Crucial Conversations. It’s all about recognizing when you’re entering a high-stakes conversation (which can be almost any conversation where the outcome matters), and learning how to approach and navigate it effectively. Honestly, everyone around that campfire-including me-could have benefited from this book. Even though I’ve read it once, it’s the kind of skill-builder you can revisit again and again and still find room for growth.
You can easily find Crucial Conversations on Amazon, but I strongly encourage you to check your local library or use the Libby App (if you have a Kindle) to borrow it for free. Local bookstores are also likely to have it in stock-over 3 million copies have been sold, and it’s been a staple for years, so it shouldn’t be hard to track down!
If you’ve read it before, let me know what your favorite lesson from it was below!
Going with Gubs 